the latest slub

I took a ride up to my parent's lakehouse, it's in Saybrook which is in between Ashtabula and Geneva -on-the-lake. The house is directly right next to the lake, and even knowing that I would have to get in my car and drive due north, where LAKE EFFECT is in FULL effect, I thought it would be cool to see it in the dead of winter, besides, Mutch is always up or a road trip. Here is a map of the route to the lake.
...takes me EXACTLY an hour to get up there. unless it's summertime, then it only takes about 43 minutes. If you go 90 or 100. I mean, because I go 90 or 100.


Youngstown doesn't get as much snow as they do up there and when I got on the freeway it was clear and fine to drive in, but it seems juUust as I crossed the imaginary line that was marked with a sign that read "ENTERING ASHTABULA COUNTY" it turned to this:

things were totally copacetic until I managed to catch up to a plow truck that was going 40mph, throwing shit all over my car and degrading visibility by seventeen thousand percent, the dog desperately wants to get his head out the window and excuse me! I'm trying to take a picture! (I was also utilizing the reason I bought the car as an automatic by talking on the phone, smoking a cigarrette, and painting my nails all at the same time.)
~this is what a ride in the car is like with me. You just never know.

Mutch and I arrive. safely.
the rock in front of the side screen door is married itself to the wooden steps and I can not get it to budge. I was kicking the shit out of it. no deal. I went around to the front. The snow is up to my knees. no kidding. OMG. so NOW, I have to get the screen door open. You all that live where there is no snow would be surprised how many things like, plant stands, chair backs, and windchimes come in handy as snow excavating tools!
so I manage to get the door open, and AUUUGH. THE UMBRELLA TABLE IS BLOCKING THE DOOR, AND IT HAS A GIANT PUZZLE ON IT! (who the hell does PUZZLES?! at the LAKEHOUSE?! one should NOT do PUhZZLES in their spare time at the lake house, one drinks BEER and WINE in their spare time at the lakehouse!)

With some help from the dog leash and some old school moves I got in. Turned up the heat and the hot water heater, got the key to the beach, grabbed the dog out of the car and
headed down to the beach...ish.

The wind was blowing off the water making the temp a virtual -12 below, feels way different than it is near the house, a grand 7 degrees. The water is not frozen and there are actually seagulls -seagulls! Obviously, they missed the "WE ARE NOW FLYING SOUTH" memo.

Ohio seagulls are way different than FLA seagulls, these suckers look like flying jack russel terriers! they would give any FLA seagull an immediate smackdown.
(when I lived in FLA I would always notice how much smaller the seagulls and squirrels are...they are like, half the size!)

anyway.
I was standing at the top of the hundred thousand steps that lead to the beach

and re-thinking my idea of actually going down there. the coolness factor of seeing it that close up would be totally trampled upon by the WIND CHILL. And so I stood. and looked. and stood. and my arm just got yanked out of the socket because Mutch decided to try and eat one of those flying terriers. and I almost busted my ass.
"you're a FLORIDA DOG, DOG. don't you even sense how cold it is out here?!?" He was ALL ABOUT going down there.

It is COLD. I mean C O L D. As I was standing there, (even though I was completely bundled up) It felt like a cleansing of some kind, comparable to being in a sweathouse, only the opposite. I was thinking of pioneers, and native americans, and all of the people in the past/present that didn't or don't have things such as HEAT, or HEATERS. I am very thankful.

I didn't even bother to unlock the gate. I just stayed up top thinking about what exactly would get me to go down there.
My conclusion was that the only way I would go down there is if it were a pit stop and I was on The Amazing Race. But it would have to be the LAST pit stop, the one where I win a million dollars for going down there.