I am the Commander Girl

Dear Mr. Periplaneta americana, aka: Cockroach, Water Bug, American Cockroach, Palmetto Bug.
I am writing you today in reference to your lack of obeying zones prohibited of your roaming of my quarters via our agreed contract.

I believe it was about three months ago that I spoke with your initial representative, I met him, one fine day while entering my bathroom. He commanded my attention with the swiftness of a Jedi master. His followers were not so lucky. I am enclosing these photos as proof of the anguish you have brought upon your kind.





I must commend you. You have trained your officers well. They are nearing the optimal size for bedroom seizure. I am aware of this.

You failed to abide by our initial verbal agreement to stay out of my habitat. The question is, who ought to make that decision? Me or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear -- I'm a commander girl. This means war.

Your soldiers are very dedicated and willing, knowing that by entering my territory, many times it leads to certain DEATH. I am sorry that I have to retort to such strong and harsh acts upon your kind. I must let you know however, that death by sprayed toxic poisons will continue. At least until you grow a softer epidermis so that your hard outer shell will not CRUNCH when death by shoe-sole is administered.

Your agile metamorphose is astounding. Although I am complimenting your professional abilities, I am here to tell you that you will not win this battle. I am larger and this is how the west was won, my friend.

In retort to your sniper invasions I will let you know that I have applied a shield of defense to every inch of our agreed parameters. A toxin to your kind that is so incredible it goes by the name of "DEMON". Scared, hah? If you can get by that, then try and get passed Meow, the Siamese Sargent of Stabbings & Disembodiment's.

Either I will succeed, or I won't succeed. And the definition of success as I described is first person violence down. Success is not no violence."
Thank You.