Contemporary Healthcare

The X-s&G is the greatest invention to modern medicine since the sterilization, beneficial to the elevenhundredety people that can't afford Health Care.
It goes like this:
Took a fall, got a bit hurt and wondering if any bones are broken.
Drive 5-15 miles to the nearest drive up X-S&G.
Choose drive up or walk -in.
Slide Twenty Dollars into the slot exactly like a slot machine.
Place this big heavy coat on. Wait for green light.
Place body part up in "this area" and press "this button"

Wait 17 minutes.
"After you pack yourself an ice pack with our free ice, relax in our waiting room on the plush Microfiber sofa, read our endless issues of gossip magazines & wi-fi, and most of all enjoy a quick rest! You've just had an accident and we don't allow fluorescent lights!"

Watch as your film develops and slides through the slot.
Hold it up to the light.

Send a txt to your best friend.
"Naw, dood. It's not broken, I'm not going to the hospital."

Today I heard that the doctor who helped me out with the little hatchet in the foot incident is praticing here at the Orthopaedic Hospital (The Andrews Institute).
I asked for him, I wonder why they didn't at least get the Bookout (HA! that's the Dr.'s name that I want!) to see if he was around. Two nurses and a Immobilizer Fitting Tech just looked at each other and no one knew him. The nurse wrote a doctors name for me to call on the paper, told me he was affliated with TAI.  I called the number. On the third time I was told that this doctor is not with TAI, and here was the number to his office in the Breezers.
Wait.
what? 

Did that just happen?

The dipstick in my car is broken and I have to grab it with little pliers. I went to put it back into position and it dissappeared. Where the dipstick once was was a 2" round hole in the thingy on the motor. It didn't fall in. The whole plastic casing fell through the hole. 

Hyperflexion Tension

omy god!

I am growing very impatient with the situation. I am at a point where I refuse to accept that I will be off of my horse for an extended amount of time. I'll get restless. My center will be all wacked. I can't take The Mutch man for a walk right now and when he looks at me with those eyes I feel like such a boob. 

I'm so thankful to my friends that are helping me out. I love them all!

I go to the Ortho in a few days. I hope that the Doctor is compassionate and understanding of how I will pass right out and fall on the floor if he mentions the S-word. I will heal my knee with my diet, massage therapy, meditation and a bone specialist. No screws or shots or scapals. The hospital referred me to an Orthopedic and I thought they said he was a part of The Andrews Institute but when I called I found out he's not. I would like one of the doctors from there. One of them fixed some big sports star's injury so I hear (lol). 

And by the way, why do you have to go to a bone specialist to find out about ligaments and tendons? I don't know. To me its like going to an ear nose and throat doctor for dental problems. I don't know anything.

The only reason why I am coming from a place of minor terror is because IT HURTS!

The crutches are a bit too tall for me so I'm limping around...why not get new crutches? BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO NEED THEM TOMORROW thank you very much.


The Immobilizer. UGH. Feels worse in this. So I don't wear it. 

I can't take any more of those pain pills, I took one today. When it was in full effect I could imagine how EASY it is to get hooked on pills. But when it wore off I know I got cranky and short tempered. I KNOW that is my body telling me to STOP.IMMEDIENTLY. I don't want to WANT one or two or ten everyday, so that's it. I put the rest away. Pain meds make me feel goOOOOoood...BUT, the time for me to move to the Advil is when I get cranky coming down off of one. 

I managed to venture out to the barn and driving hurts. I have to sit way back and it just aches the whole way there. This is no more safe than driving my car with airbags hanging out, but I managed and I was really careful. Don't get me wrong, it was scary. But I want to go. I need to go. Today I took Mutch with me and the teenager took him on a nice run through the field, I was happy about that and so was he.

I've built this makeshift stool under my computer desk to rest my leg on so that I can keep working and its working out pretty well. I couldn't help but to do some research on knee injuries when I sat down tonight. I want to make sure that I am familiar with the knee and exactly how it works before I go in. I start reading about knee injuries and I have to start writing because either that or I PUKE. 

My eyes travel from the left to right and with each vowel my stomach tuns into another knot. Third degree Strains...ligament stretching or tears....and this really made me nauseous "Twisting injuries to the knee put stress on the cartilage or meniscus and can pinch it between the tibial surface and the edges of the femoral condyle, causing tears."

I am literally squirming in my chair. OUUUCHH! The whole nightmare comes rushing back and I can't take the anxiety. 

This sounds about correct...

Tear of the ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) may feel or hear a pop in your knee, intense pain and immediate swelling. Knee may "buckle" or at least feel as if it might give way when you try to stand or put weight on it. In most cases, you'll have to stop all activity, either because the pain is too severe or because your knee isn't stable enough to support your weight.

I need a minute.

My knee just turned onto an ex-boyfriend. Can't trust it.

Yes, I shall move the fan.

I saw the BO when I took Dusty back to his barn on the other side of the property and asked her some things about the fan, and if that STUFF actually works.

Me: Hey Yeenie! Is there some reason my horse would all the sudden me pressing his ass up against the boards of the stall like this (I press my butt up against the frame of the door)?

Yeenie: Ooh, have you wormed him yet?  

She said, as she is drawing some milky white liquid into a needle so big it made me wince.

Good. Exactly what I was thinking.

Me: No, I have it but I want to worm him on saturday. Weird. I got him some more Guiness in the fridge. There is no sweat at all now, before at least there was a little trace. How has the STUFF worked for the others so far? Is it safe for me to mix the beer and the STUFF?

Yeenie: Good, they're sweating a bit. Sure, you can mix it, The Painter did fine with both. You worm him! 

I asked her about the fan situation. If I could move it and if I can find a bigger one for cheap if I can put it out for a little while and I'll pay a lit extra board. She was ok with both and then told me that someone bought two big huge metal fans at a yard sale for Fifteen dollars. 

I was tittin around as the girls were getting ready to leave and after long deliberation I decided to start taking the fan off the front of the stall. I took Dusty out into the round pen, its cooler outside anyway. And I need to put it on the inside of the stall for my imagined airflow. I drug my tack box to the spot I need to reach and stepped up onto it to cut the zips.

Yeenie: (as she's walking out to go home)...Goodnight Christine! See ya tomorrow! You be careful, don't you fall off that box!

Me: OK! goodnight!

I then began to cut the zip things and unplugged the fan. Went to grab some twine because I've engineered it to the greatest swiftness in all my creativity. The way this fan shall be situated the air will be like a hurricane of conditioned wind cooling my pony to a comfortable body temperature and he will again think that I am the greatest ever. MUAWWHHHh HA HA AAAAH.

My plan was to tie it into place and then tie it better once it was where I wanted it. I began to finagle it into place. 

Sweat is dripping down my face so that I have to use my sweaty dirty shirt to wipe my eyes. My shirt has all the dirt from the front of the fan all over it. I tried to use my arm instead but I didn't want a face-full of cobwebs and dirt. Every time I got it into place, one corner would slip. I couldn't get the twine to tie and the fan not fall. I haven't checked on Dusty in the round pen. I'm sure he's fine but still you check, its just what you do. 

Text from Leggs: dusty more calm tonight

My reply: Yes, thanks- I'm about to have a come apart trying to move this fan. I wonder if Fancy is here...

Text from Leggs: Poop

I put the fan down to go and see if Fancy was up in her barn doing her thing. She is always there as late as I am and beside just loving the hell out of her, she's always willing to lend a hand! (I hope) 

I looked over yonder and I see the lights on, I'm so excited that she is there that I just ran the whole way. 

Me: Hey FANCY!  How are ya?!

Fancy: Hey! I'm good, just finishing up here. What's up?

Me: Well, I was wondering if you could help me out, I'm trying to move dusty's fan and I could really use an hand. You need any help with anything in exchange? (laughing)

Fancy: YES! Help me carry these bags of feed into the barn. Can you carry a bag of feed? Is it too heavy for you? (she's being a boob) 

Me: Ha, ha very funny and yes! Let's do it!

Were now in my barn and we are both trying to get the fan to stay in my utopian place and it won't flipping go there. Then she sees that the whole problem is that it needs to be tied from the bottom. Seems as though my whole plan was a little upside down? Go figure.

Fancy: Twine, Twine you need another string. 

Me: Ok, hold it. Got it?

Fancy: Yep!

This repeated three more times. Untill we have to tie the twine around this huge support beam and the twine refused to do what I wanted it to do. You know things like GO AROUND THE POLE AND DROP TO THE OTHER SIDE?

Me: wait! HOLD IT HOLD IT!

Fancy: WHAAAT!?

I needed more height or I'm really going to have a come apart. I could go look for a ladder but, one great thing about barn girls is that we're resourceful. I go towards the front of the barn and grab this big bucket. I put it on top of the tack box and climb on top of it. The tack box is sturdy and I've stood on a bucket thousands of times, so mixed up into a cocktail it was harmless. 

Fancy: OHHhhh No. You better not fall off that thing.

Me: Oh, I'm not going to FALLLLLL, come on, I'm tuff! I have medical insurance! Here, hold it up a little and I'll tie it...

Fancy: ok, You got Aflack?! haaah! Oh that's right you sit at the computer all day don't you? Ok, now come check it and see if you like the angle. Turn it on. NO! don't turn it on!...

(She was standing right in front of it)

Me: haaah! OMGosh! I'm so excited! yaaay! 

I go to step down to the ground and for some reason my brain calculated the distance to the ground to be the height of the tack box. NOT the tack box PLUS bucket.

Ever miscalculate stairs in the dark? SUCKS.

My foot did actually land on the ground, I rolled to the ground face on barn floor in not even caring about it style. Lying there mere fetal position saying to myself, it is NOT broken. Nothing is broken. maybe ripped, but not broken. I tried to wiggle my toes...

I had three thoughts in one-second:

holy shit. I'm a dumbass. I was on THE BUCKET!

Boots. Boots. Take the boots off immediently! NOONE is cutting my Made In Italy tall boots!

IT. HURTS. KNEE. I CAN'T TALK. I can't breathe. OMG WHAT WAS THAT POPPING SOUND?????????? MY KNEE!

I can't laugh during this awkward situation, and Fancy is on the inside of the stall, watching this happen.

Fancy: I TOoooOOOLD you not to fall! You're an old lady! You can't be doing those things anymore!

Me: (I am trying to get over the searing 3 minutess of my body letting go of all endorphins she is crackingme up!) UUUGGGGGGhhhhhhHHHH!!!!!!

Fancy: I TOLD YOUuuuu not to fall! what a dumbass, oh! YOU OK?! Are you laughing or crying?

Me: UGGGGGGGGHhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH. 

I realized I was almost licking the floor of the barn and yes, I'm doing BOTH at the same time. Her comments might sound mean as I type it but believe me her delivery is priceless. You would be cracking up too.

She comes out from inside the stall to see me. 

Fancy: What happend? what did you doOOOO? Did you say you had Aflack? you're OLD! You can't do thissss.Dumbass.

I'm laughing with a wince of pain look on my face. She cracks me up. I'm starting to "come to" and I tell her...

Me: I FUCKING forgot I was on the BUCKET TOOOOOO! I AM A DUMBASS!! I thought the distance was the tack box!

Fancy: Did you fall?

Me: PSHHHHT, NOOOoooooo. what would make you think that? Really though, my foot landed fine then...DID YOU HEAR THAT??! 

Fancy: Hear what? No.

Me: SOMETHING POPPED or ripped, I dunno its ohhhh its bad. I gotta walk. I gotta get up and walk. Can you help me with my boot please so it doesn't have to be cut off?

Fancy: HAAAAH, you crack me up. Sure. can you get into the stall and see if you like the angle? 

I look at my sock. 

Fancy: go ahead, your stall is clean.

I wonder if I can even walk.

Me: Dood! I don't know if I can walk! I'm SO SORRY! I swear I'm just an asssss! I'm so sorry. It's great. It's perfect really. It's up there and its pointing down onto him, its the best in the world! I'm really NOT about to micromanage this project at this point. THANK YOU so much. Can you go get my horse please?

She laughs and heads out to get Dusty and I am limping along the walls of the barn trying to take a step on my bum leg. Just one step, that's all I want but every time I put any weight on it for a mere second it feels like my knee is not aligned. Indeed the weirdest feeling I have ever experienced. It actually feels like my leg would just split into two parts. I can't take a step because my knee just turned onto an ex-boyfriend. Can't trust it.

Me: Fancy, don't you tell a soul that I just fell off of a bucket! I'm telling them that you made me ride that crazy Arabian again and he bucked me off!

Fancy: He doesn't buck.

Me: Well then OMG I was thinking as he ran off across the property with me!

I can't say that I wasn't pooping my pants. But I'm determined and imagined myself as a sports star with the crowd anticipating me up, walking off the field. 

After a few minutes I was able to put weight on it enough to slub around like a slub should slub. I said goodnight to the D and muddled my way to the car. It's my right leg, but I could drive and I even went to the convenient store to get some ice. I figured it's not so bad, heck- I'll just be limping around for a short while. I got home and went directly to my bed, my leg up on a pillow with ice and fell quick asleep. 

For about 15 minutes. 

At 4 am I tried to get up to go to the bathroom and reconsidered my thoughts about limping around for a short while. I tried to assume the slubbing position and holy balls! Felt like I just grabbed the nearest lightning bolt. Hopping on one leg didn't work either because I'm pretty sure I know what it feels like to be hit by shrapnel now. 

I kept getting up, I couldn't sleep. I waited till the early morning and decided it was definitely time to go to the hospital. I needed some pain pills. Call it a day.

Did I mention that I'm sitting here with a bum leg?

Dusty has not been sweating. It's really dangerous when horses stop sweating because the obvious. They can't cool themselves.  He was sold to me with the disclaimer that "this horse doesn't sweat" After getting him I read everything I could about Anhidrosis in horses. I learned so much from the most reliable sources that I could find on the internet. The only thing that I really would prefer to do about it is the Acupuncture.  From what I've read, it is consistent for positive results. 

HElloOOOoo. I love in Pensacola. Horse Acupuncture?

UHhhh.

I gave him some vitamins and some minerals and he just started to sweat again. I know weird right? but heck I really didn't BELIEVE that he just DIDN'T sweat, I just thought that there was something inside him that needed to be jump started, and I believed that it was because he needed minerals- I have no idea what made me think that but, placebo works. 

There was not much of a problem last summer but this summer is a completely different story. It is BALLS HOT down here and with the heat index at 112 degrees walk outside and you are immediately covered in sweat. I like it. NO, no I LOVE it. I love this weather. It is one reason why I love living in Florida.  But its hard for the ponies! I am lucky to have Dusty in a big pasture with trees. I know that he stands under the trees all day but it's 110 Degrees in the shade, literally. The BO is really totally awesome running around and hosing horses off as they come in for dinner, but I consider that it is my responsibility to take care of the situation, and Dusty is not the only one. There are 9 horses at my barn not sweating. Yes, you're right- all Thoroughbreds. One from Ohio is all like "WTF?!"

It started (stopped) the weekend that I rode in the clinic with Joann Rasmussen. She took me out three times to spray him down. He was huffing at a walk. I have been really careful riding him and not making him actually work but for 5 minutes. However, after that day I gave him four days off partly because he broke out in what I thought was hives, but really was a skin bacteria, yes! Dusty got the dreaded back clap that has now turned into a massive body covering case of rain rot. Hello Bleach baths! Bleaching saddle pads!  Bleaching brushes! Bleaching sponges! 

His back left leg swelled up like a football, not lame so I just hand walked him for two days then I figured at least to get on and walk him around. 

I went and got some Guiness Beer. Some poultice. Some B12 + Selenium. Some wormer. Some Gatorade powder (he LOVES it), had a coupon for Sand Clear, and lastly some Liniment. What does all that have to do with me getting the OneAC (a product to help Anhidrosis in horses) that I went to the tack store for? 

Nothing. 

I decided that I would try the Guniness first. It might've been because a mile down the road I realized that I left without it, but I just couldn't see forgoing a glass of Guiness for a bunch of powder chemicalstuffs. I haven't heard the best about the OneAc, and it says in the directions not to ride your horse and it takes two weeks for it to kick in. 

He likes the Guiness just fine, I put some feed in it though. He didn't even KNOW what a carrot was when I got him and now he will pretty much eat whatever I give him. Especially cotton candy. And Freeze Pops. 

I've been looking for a big huge fan for his stall on craigslist. The box fan I have would be overpowered by me blowing on him. But the BO asks us to get the box fans because the electric bill goes so high in the summer, I'm happy to oblige but right now I will give her however much extra money she requests if I can find a big ass fan. (lol) I started thinking about if I can make the box fan more effective. Its placed on his stall directly in front of the feed trough. 

I tried hanging a bag of ice in front of the fan. Old school air conditioning. Kinda worked. Got lots of laughs. Ice melted in 14 minutes.

I thought about taking the fan apart and finding the little button that will make the fan go faster, you know, like in a clear lighter- how you can take the back off and turn the little sprocket onto TORCH? yah, I don't think that's one of my best but I'm creative!

Then I thought that I would MOVE the fan. I shall move it so it is in the corner on top of the stall, blowing down onto him...