Hyperflexion Tension

omy god!

I am growing very impatient with the situation. I am at a point where I refuse to accept that I will be off of my horse for an extended amount of time. I'll get restless. My center will be all wacked. I can't take The Mutch man for a walk right now and when he looks at me with those eyes I feel like such a boob. 

I'm so thankful to my friends that are helping me out. I love them all!

I go to the Ortho in a few days. I hope that the Doctor is compassionate and understanding of how I will pass right out and fall on the floor if he mentions the S-word. I will heal my knee with my diet, massage therapy, meditation and a bone specialist. No screws or shots or scapals. The hospital referred me to an Orthopedic and I thought they said he was a part of The Andrews Institute but when I called I found out he's not. I would like one of the doctors from there. One of them fixed some big sports star's injury so I hear (lol). 

And by the way, why do you have to go to a bone specialist to find out about ligaments and tendons? I don't know. To me its like going to an ear nose and throat doctor for dental problems. I don't know anything.

The only reason why I am coming from a place of minor terror is because IT HURTS!

The crutches are a bit too tall for me so I'm limping around...why not get new crutches? BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO NEED THEM TOMORROW thank you very much.


The Immobilizer. UGH. Feels worse in this. So I don't wear it. 

I can't take any more of those pain pills, I took one today. When it was in full effect I could imagine how EASY it is to get hooked on pills. But when it wore off I know I got cranky and short tempered. I KNOW that is my body telling me to STOP.IMMEDIENTLY. I don't want to WANT one or two or ten everyday, so that's it. I put the rest away. Pain meds make me feel goOOOOoood...BUT, the time for me to move to the Advil is when I get cranky coming down off of one. 

I managed to venture out to the barn and driving hurts. I have to sit way back and it just aches the whole way there. This is no more safe than driving my car with airbags hanging out, but I managed and I was really careful. Don't get me wrong, it was scary. But I want to go. I need to go. Today I took Mutch with me and the teenager took him on a nice run through the field, I was happy about that and so was he.

I've built this makeshift stool under my computer desk to rest my leg on so that I can keep working and its working out pretty well. I couldn't help but to do some research on knee injuries when I sat down tonight. I want to make sure that I am familiar with the knee and exactly how it works before I go in. I start reading about knee injuries and I have to start writing because either that or I PUKE. 

My eyes travel from the left to right and with each vowel my stomach tuns into another knot. Third degree Strains...ligament stretching or tears....and this really made me nauseous "Twisting injuries to the knee put stress on the cartilage or meniscus and can pinch it between the tibial surface and the edges of the femoral condyle, causing tears."

I am literally squirming in my chair. OUUUCHH! The whole nightmare comes rushing back and I can't take the anxiety. 

This sounds about correct...

Tear of the ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) may feel or hear a pop in your knee, intense pain and immediate swelling. Knee may "buckle" or at least feel as if it might give way when you try to stand or put weight on it. In most cases, you'll have to stop all activity, either because the pain is too severe or because your knee isn't stable enough to support your weight.

I need a minute.